By Ebuka Ukoh
In Nigeria, December arrives like a festival competing with itself. The streets get louder, the music gets brighter, and the pressure to feel joyful rises faster than airline ticket prices.
It is a beautiful season, yet many of us enter it carrying a quiet tension. We try to look happy while our hearts whisper a different truth.
Christmas in Nigeria is loud, perhaps not so loud nowadays. The excitement is real, and December is dirty. But music blares from every corner. People travel home in droves. Photographers line up for family portraits. New clothes, new hair styles, new plans. All that joy deserves celebration.
Yet, beneath the glitter, many of us feel a pull inside. We perform happiness while harbouring unspoken worries.
I felt that tension myself. My mind drifted to checklists. Did I hit my goals this year? Did I grow? Did I become the person I hoped to be? Reflection matters, but I have assessed myself by outcomes. So, I pause. I ask a different question. Am I well?
Christmas can be loud while we are not in tune with ourselves. We rush. We give beyond our strength. We pretend. Sometimes the external noise hides the innermost feelings.
Name what is going on
This year, some people celebrate their first Christmas in a new city. Some are spending it with a significant other. Some hold newborn babies. Some sit at tables with one empty chair. Some juggle quiet family tensions. Some hope the year ends without more chaos. Others pray the new year brings softness.
Before planning anything, take note of what is present. Notice yourself. Name your state. Joy. Grief. Pride. Confusion. Exhaustion. Gratitude. The heart deserves recognition before instruction.
Jesus understood this
If you study the life of Jesus, you see a man in tune with himself. He stepped away to think, pray, and reflect. He explained rather than convinced those who doubted him. He acted from clarity, not desperation. He paused at key moments, and those pauses shaped direction.
We love to tell the stories of miracles. We forget the stillness that made them possible. Peace starts with inner honesty. He did not pour from an empty cup.
Your feel-good self matters
There is a type of helping that is not love but anxiety. We rush to fix others because we fear sitting with our own discomfort. We want to feel needed. Then we call it care. Sometimes it is avoidance.
The best gift you can give anyone this Christmas is your well self. Not your decorated self. Not your pretending self. Your well self. When you show up with clarity, you create space for others to carry their responsibilities. You make room for truth. You create boundaries that protect growth. Things may not go smoothly, but you can be well. That presence changes the atmosphere more than any gift.
Courage to say, “I am not okay”
There is dignity in honesty. When you hurt, admit it. When you need rest, take it. When you need support, ask. Strength is not silence. Strength is truth spoken with care. You do not earn love by hiding your condition. You honour love by naming it.
Slowing down is not failure. Pausing is not giving up. It is choosing to treat yourself as human and valuable. Remember, the body keeps the scores; if it is not cared for adequately, it manifests in mostly unpleasant ways.
Look beyond yourself, then inward again.
After noticing yourself, notice others. The neighbour who looks strong but feels alone; the cousin who jokes too much, and the friend who always plans and never receives care. True presence comes from being grounded. When you are well, you carry comfort without losing yourself.
Christmas is not a competition of who looks happiest. It is a moment to be truthful about humanity.
Real reason for the season
People say Jesus is the reason for the season. That is true. Yet he lived with the conviction that you are worth showing up for. Your healing matters. Your peace matters. Your well-being matters. You and I are part of the reason for the season…because God saw value in us. Love requires healthy carriers.
This year, permit yourself to be well. Permit others to take responsibility for their well-being. Let joy be real. Let grief be acknowledged. Let rest be honoured. Let's be honest.
Christmas begins in the soul before it reaches the streets. When we treat ourselves with truth, we treat others with grace. That might be the gift that makes the season meaningful again.
I hope this season meets you with softness and gives your heart the space it needs to breathe.
~Mr Ukoh, an alumnus of the American University of Nigeria, Yola, and PhD student at Columbia University, writes from New York.
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